A group of senior citizens were exchanging notes about their ailments:
"My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup."
"Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't see to pour the coffee."
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck."
"My blood pressure pills make my dizzy."
"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old."
"Well, it's not all bad. We should be thankful that we can still drive!"
Janie had just become a widow and needed to put an obituary in the paper about her late husband, Bubba. She called the newspaper and asked, "How much does it cost to put an obituary in the paper?"
"The cost is $0.50 per word," said the newspaper editor.
Janie said, "Fine, please print: 'Bubba died'."
The startled newspaper editor explained that there was a seven word minimum charge. Janie thought for a moment, then said, "Okay, then, please print: 'Bubba died. 2003 pickup truck for sale'."
Grandfather' s Advice
My Grandfather was one of the wisest men I ever knew.. I still remember his only advice to me concerning women.
"Norman," he said, "Trust me on this one, even if you do eventually understand women, you'll never believe it anyway."
The Philosophy of Life
Life is an endless struggle, full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
Time may be a great healer but it's also a lousy beautician.
Brain cells come and go but fat cells live forever.
Life not only begins at forty; it begins to show.
You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.
It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your hips.
Age is important only if you are cheese and wine.
The only time a woman wishes that she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.
Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but he/she can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.