Once Sardarji was in Germany.He attended a party.The host, at the start called out, with a piece of chicken, in his hand,"This is in memory of Napolean...Bone. ...apart" .The crowd applauded at the pun.
Sardarji comes home and throws a party.He also holds a Tandoori chicken in hand and hollers out "Napoleon... ..Napolean".Looks around the crowd, which is silent(?).Disgusted ly he turns around and tells his friend "Aare yar Nobody aprreciates a joke here, whereas in Germany the whole lot appreciated the same joke"
Election form to be filled in by all candidates
Application Form For "Lok Sabha Election"
1. Name of Candidate: ____________ _________
(i.)Name of Jail: ____________ _________
(ii.)Cell Number: ____________ _________
3.Political Party: ____________ _________
*List ONLY the Last Five parties in Chronological (Order)
4.Sex: [ ]
D- Uma Bharathi
5.Nationality: [ ]
6.Reasons for leaving last party (circle one or more)
C- Bought out
D- None of above
E- All of above
7.Reasons for contesting elections (circle one or more)
A- To make money
B- To escape court trial
C- To grossly misuse power
D- To serve the public
E- I have no clue
(If you choose "D, attach Certificate of Sanity from a
Recognized Government Psychiatrist)
8.How many years of public service experience do you possess?
A- 1-2 yrs
9.Give details of any criminal cases pending against you (Use as many Additional Sheets as you want)
10.How many years have you spent in Jail? [ ]
(Do not confuse with question 8)
A- 1-2 years
B- 2-6 years
C- 6-15 years
11.Are you involved in any financial scams? [ ]
A- Why not
B- Of Course
D- I deny it all
E- I see a foreign hand.
12. What is your Annual Corruption Income? [ ]
A- 100-500 Crores
B- 500-1000 Crores
(Convert all your $ earning from Hawala etc to Rupees)
13. Do you have any developmental plans for India in mind? [ ]
14.Describe your achievements in space provided:
Issued in public interest by Election Commission of India.
7 reasons not to mess with children.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was..
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mummy?'
Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,' the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A little fellow shouted,
'Cause your feet ain't empty.'
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'