Friday, April 17, 2009

LALU JOKES !

Laloo, Jayalalitha, and Mayavati ....


Laloo, Jayalalitha, and Mayavati are on a long flight in an Air Force plane.


Laloo pulls out a 100 Rupee note and says, "I'm going to throw this Rs..100 note out and make someone down below happy."
Jayalalitha, not wanting to be outdone, says, "If that was my 100 Rupee note, I would split it into two Rs.50 notes, throw them down and make two people down below happy." Of course Mayavati doesn't want these two candidates to out do her so she pipes in, 'I would instead take one hundred Rs.1 notes and throw them out to make 100 people just a little happier.


At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore, comes out and says, "If I throw all three of you out of this plane and I'll make 975 million people happy!"

============ ========= ========= ========= ===
Laloo's Point of view

British Diplomat paid a courtesy visit to Lalloojee.

During a Garden party at the Palace, he thought of entertaining Lalloojee with the following magic of numbers.

He said, "Your excellency,
Look at the value of the alphabet:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Now, look at this Sir, if we calculate together it will be:

H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98 % Only

K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96 % Only

L O B B Y I N G
12 15 2 2 25 9 14 7 = 86 % Only

L U C K
12 21 3 11 = 47 % Only

Sir, you should look at the final one, which is most important.

A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100 %

Sir, do you find it useful?

This magic can work on your people to improve themselves, increase productivity, and make your Kingdom prosperous.

Sir, I can arrange to send our experts to coach your people. We can do it in less than a year"

Lalloojee thought for a while; and said,

"I have better formula. See this......

C O R R U P T I O N
3 15 18 21 16 9 15 14 = 111 %

Do you want me to come and teach your people? I can do it in less than one week."
============ =========
Laloo Vs Gates

Bill Gates : Namaskar! you must have heard of Windows.

Laloo : Oh yes! most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept.

Gates : Have you installed Windows at home?

Laloo : I have removed all windows due to increased burgalaries in our house.

Gates(Confused) : Then what is the system you operate on?

Laloo : OPERATION ? Yes, I had a Hernia operation last month.

Gates(Sweating) : Hope the internet is being used a lot in India.

Laloo: Oh Yes! Due to increased mosquito problems many people are sleeping under the net.

Gates: By the year 2002 India should export computer chips.

Laloo: We are already exporting Uncle Chips.

Gates(Feeling very Uneasy): do you regularly use LapTops?

Laloo: My grand-child sleeps on the top of my lap.

Gates(Sweating Heavily): The Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh knows a lot about RAM and ROM.

Laloo : RUM? Prohibition is being lifted and it will be shortly available in A.P.

Gates(Feeling Dizzy): I would like to take your leave before my system crashes.

Laloo: I have exhausted all my leave.

Gates: I have no energy left, let us go out and have a bite.

Laloo: BITE? I believe in non-violence. I will not bite.

Gates: (System Crashes and Found Missing). "Windows is restarting.Please wait........ ....."

============ ========= ======
Laloo in Wonderland

Raabri was worried whether or not Laloo upon his death made it to heaven, so she decided to try to contact his spirit by having a seance. Sure enough, after the usual mumbo-jumbo of calling to the spirits, Laloo's voice was heard answering, "Hello Raabri, this is meeee..."

"Lalooji," she answered. I just have to know if you're happy there in the afterlife. What's it like there?"

"Ooooooh, it's much more beautiful here than I ever imagined," Laloo answered. "The sky is bluer, the air is cleaner, and the pastures are much more lush and green than I ever expected and above all there is no scam. And the only thing we do, all day long, are eat and sleep, eat and sleep, over and over."
"Thank God, you made it to heaven," his Raabri cried.
"Heaven?" he answered. "What heaven? I'm a buffalo in Punjab."
============ ========= ===

Laloo's Mars mission

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars.
Only one person could go, and he will not return to Earth.
The first applicant, an American engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going.
"A million dollars", he answered, "because I wish to donate it to M.I.T."
The next applicant, a Russian doctor, was asked the same question.
He asked for two million dollars. "I wish to give a million to my family, he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."
The last applicant was a Indian politician (Lallu Yadav).
When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer' s ear, "Three million dollars."
"Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.
The IndianPolitician replied, $1 million is for you, I'll keep $1million, and we'll give the American engineer $1million and send him to Mars."

============ ========= =========

An American, a German, and an Indian

During an International conference, three scientists, an American, a German, and an Indian, were talking and bragging about the technological advances their respective countries have achieved in the field of medicine.

The American said "In Washington,there was a baby boy born without arms so we attached artificial arms on him. And now that he's grown up and became an Olympic professional boxer and a gold medalist !"

The German replied, "That's nothing to what we have achieved.Back in Berlin, there was a baby girl born without legs so weattached a pair of artificial legs on her. Now she is a three-time Olympics arathon gold medalist !"

The Indian interjected " Is that all you have achieved , just gold medalists? In Patna, Bihar we had a baby boy born without a HEAD ! We attached a COCONUT and called him Laloo and he has grown up and now he is the Chief Minister of Bihar !"

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Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.
A few days later he got this reply:



Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained. Thanks
Bill Gates.



Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a press conference :
"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai."
Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued... ... "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.





Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet ----- aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi..
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva.

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