Santa&Banta after a long Gap !!!!
Santa: Sir hun meri salary wada diyo, mera vyah ho gaye hai.
Boss: Factory de bahar hon wale hadseyan layi factory jimmevar nahin hundi.
Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue?
Santa: Very long!
Lady:Time kitna hua hai?
Banta: Bra Panties.
Lady: Time poocha hai Nonsense.
Banta: Time hi to bataya hai 12:35
Santa: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.
Jeeto: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?
Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai.
Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?
Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am - 11am.
Sharaabi Santa knocks the door of his house. His wife opens the door.
Santa asks: Who are you?
Wife: How dare you forget your wife?
Santa: Nasha har gam ko bhula deta hai.
Lady Secretary: Sir, it’s your wife’s call. She wants to kiss you on the phone.
Santa: Take message and give me later.
Jeeto to Santa: Stop looking at girls, you are married now.
Santa: You mean if I am on diet, I can’t look at the menu also?
Interviewer: Aap kisi MAHILA mein sabse pehle kya dekhte hain?
Santa: O ji, wo is baat par depend karta hai ki woh aa rahi hai ya jaa rahi hai?
Santa aur Jeeto mein larai ho gayi, Santa ghar se chala gaya.
Santa raat ko phone pay: Khanay mein kia hai?
Husb: Main dair se aaonga, tum kha kar so jana.
Eye drops was the anti climax.
To understand the Irish Jokes, you must read the book Irish Doctor.
A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant.
'Murphy, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic I
Want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients'..
'Yes, sir!' answers Murphy.
The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: 'So,Murphy, how was your day?'
Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. 'The first one had a headache so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol.'
'Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?' asks the doctor. 'The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir' Says Murphy. 'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?' Asks the doctor.
'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman borsts in so she does. Like bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everyting including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen any man!''
'Tunderin' lard Murphy, what did you do?' asks the doctor. 'I put drops in her eyes!'
Sardar Jokes !
Banta k ghar ladka hua, par wo phir bhi dukhi tha?? Kyon?
Itne saalo baad, itni mannto ke baad ladka hua wo bhi chhota sa...!
Inspector to Banta: Faansi se pehle, bata teri antim ichha kya hai?
Banta: Mere pair upar aur sir neeche kar k faansi de do..!
Santa: Wo dekh teri biwi ko saanp kaat raha hai.
Banta: Are tension mat le, Jeher bharwane aya hoga...
Driver: Sir ji, petrol khatam ho gaya, gaadi aage nahi ja sakti.
Banta:-Chalo Phir, wapis le chalo.
Santa bada dukhi tha, kisi ne pucha itni tension me kyon ho?
Santa: Ek dost ko 3 lac plastic surgery k liye diye the, ab use
pehchan nahin pa raha
Santa ki chatri me hole tha, kisine pucha, umbrella mein hole kyu?
Sardar bola: Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega.
Teacher: Translate - Bazaar mein goliyan chal rahi hain.
Santa: The Tablets are walking in the market.
Jailor: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phansi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Jailor: Kyon has rahe ho?
Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hoon!
Interviewer: What is skeleton?
Santa: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!
Teacher: what do u call a person who cannot hear anything?
Santa: U can call him anything, because he cannot hear anything.
Santa found the answer to the most difficult question ever: What
will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first
A white man was seated next to a little black girl on the airplane when he turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her coloring book, closed it slowly and said to the man, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the man. "Since you are black, do you think that So-called President Elect Barak Obama is qualified for the job?" and he smiles.
"OK", she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass -. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The man, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss President Barack Obama ..... when you don't know shit"